Neighborino

Well kiddies, I thought today I might tell you a little about my neighbors. You ready? Here we go.

To our left, you'll see Mr. and Mrs. Truck-Drivin' Man. We get the pleasure of hearing Mr. Truck-Drivin' Man's horn quite frequently (horn blows, does the driver?) and for inordinately long but always delightful periods of time. I have absolutely nothing against truck drivers, mind you. My dad was a truck driver for many years. The thing is though, on those occasions when he would bring the big rig home, I cannot recall a single time that he sauntered out to his truck, climbed in, and sat on the horn. I would remember something like that. My dad was maybe a little more of the "let's stay in the house under the air and watch wrasslin'" kinda guy. Despite the fact that he had an 18-wheelin' horn out there at his disposal, he chose not to utilize it in residential neighborhoods. The other oddity about Mr. and Mrs. TDM is that they never go inside. Could this be a clue to the horn-blowing propensity? I know not. All I know is that they are on the carport 24/7. My suspicion is that they lost the key soon after moving in which forces Mrs. TDM to have all of her telephone conversations on the carport. It was very lucky for them that the phone got locked out with them. Mrs. TDM loves her some carport yakkin'.

Now in front of us are Mr. and Mrs. Dot. I call them that because we always see them from such a distance. I think they prefer it that way because of all the houses in the area, theirs is the newest, so they are possibly feeling a bit smug about it and above all the riff-raff. For this, I feel that Halloween will bring them many eggs and flaming bags of poo. I rub my hands in anticipation.

Catty cornered from us are Mr. and Mrs. Truck-Drivin' Man #2. Mr. TDM2 does not have the same love of his horn as Mr. TDM. Mr. TDM2 loves to leave the engine running. I am as puzzled by this practice as by the horn-blowing and possibly even more so with the price of gas being as it is. Mr. TDM2 must be doing some shag-ass hauling to make enough money to pay for it. Funny thing though, the truck seems to stay in the yard alot. Mr. and Mrs. TDM2 have a couple of daughters who seem to have an aversion to the sun. They never come out. I have therefore concluded that they are vampires. This makes sense when you put it together with the fact that Mr. TDM2 has a big area in his sideyard that he never mows. I think this is where they put the bodies. Now that I think about it, maybe it's a whole family of vamps. The truck never leaves; they don't come out; the weedy area. I've already warned my family not to open the door if they show up because if there's one thing I learned from The Lost Boys, it's never invite your mom's boyfriend into the house.

To our right, you'll meet Mr. and Mrs. Poof. I call them that because the smell of a certain plant with a pungent odor when burned often wafts down to our house. I try to steer clear of their property because I think I might get my foot in a beartrap if I did.

So that's it. Hope you enjoyed my horn-blowin', blood-suckin', snobby, weedy neighborhood. Be sure to get your own "Keep on Truckin'" mug from the gift shop. Ya'll come back now, ya hear?