The first thing you may be wondering is, "Why are there flamingos on this page and what do they have to do with screenwriting?" Absolutely nothing. I just felt like adding a picture. They look like they're deep in thought, wading around there, saying things like, "Where in the hell did Bob drop the remote? I told you not to let him have it."
I am writing what I suppose could be called an ensemble screenplay. I hate that word, so snobbish and uptight. I should say I dislike that word because I do not feel as strongly about it as I do about words such as "dinner" and "jot." Now those words I hate. But my screenplay has a group of people living together in a large old house that has become apartments. In a story like this, there are two things that must be very strong: character and plot. Plot because if you're not careful, your people can just end up drifting around having a thousand conversations that go nowhere, and character because if you're not careful, they'll end up too much alike.
On that second note, I came across an interesting thread about voice (http://groups.google.com/group/misc.writing.screenplays.moderated/browse_thread/thread/82c88be732d66516#). There's a lot of good advice flying around in there, but to me, it all seems to boil down to this: see those people in your mind. See them, hear them. Write down what you're seeing and what they say. Yeah, there will be times that you have to nudge them or even give them an outright shove right off the fucking cliff, but for the most part, listen to them, and do not ever, ever limit them.
On the topic of reading threads and other blogs, I keep seeing lists of links running usually down the right-hand side, and they all suspiciously seem to have the same blogs listed over and over. Everyone wants to seem (finger quotation marks) cool and in-the-know by having the most popular kids listed. Well here's the deal pantywaists, I'm going to rebel. That's right. I'm going my own way. So a call out to all you unknowns who are listed on nobody's links. Send me yours and I'll take a look. If you're unknown but I like your style, you're in like Flynn. If John August reads this and gets pissed, so be it, but while you're here John, wanna read my screenplay?
And a polite wave to http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/ who kindly let me use their flamingos for the small fee of including a link.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Stones
Alas, I have been rejected again and not just once, but twice. I got nowhere with Nicholl and the Austin Film Festival.
I have read that you might as well just light your first ten or twelve screenplays on fire the second they are done and move on with your writing life because they will sink like stones. They are to be regarded as practice. Have I been simply lucky that the first one was a quarter-finalist and the second top 10%? Should I go ahead and get the matches anyway and just give up on them?
When a person encounters so many rejections from so many sources, they must have moments of stopping and wondering if this is a fool's errand. There is no way of knowing if there will ever be a "yes" in the future and therefore no way of knowing if continuing on is the thing to do or a waste of energy and emotion. I think about these things a lot.
There are some structures that began underwater. Someone had to figure out a way to set a foundation in the murky depths so that the part above would be solid. So they set down one stone in the bottom of the river, and then they set another on top of it, and another on top of that one. And when the structure was finished, no one ever gave a second's notice or appreciation to those stones at the bottom that were holding everything up, that were the beginning of it all.
I'll keep writing. And I'll appreciate the ones that sank like stones.
I have read that you might as well just light your first ten or twelve screenplays on fire the second they are done and move on with your writing life because they will sink like stones. They are to be regarded as practice. Have I been simply lucky that the first one was a quarter-finalist and the second top 10%? Should I go ahead and get the matches anyway and just give up on them?
When a person encounters so many rejections from so many sources, they must have moments of stopping and wondering if this is a fool's errand. There is no way of knowing if there will ever be a "yes" in the future and therefore no way of knowing if continuing on is the thing to do or a waste of energy and emotion. I think about these things a lot.
There are some structures that began underwater. Someone had to figure out a way to set a foundation in the murky depths so that the part above would be solid. So they set down one stone in the bottom of the river, and then they set another on top of it, and another on top of that one. And when the structure was finished, no one ever gave a second's notice or appreciation to those stones at the bottom that were holding everything up, that were the beginning of it all.
I'll keep writing. And I'll appreciate the ones that sank like stones.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Mr. Postman
Actually in my case, I have a Mrs. Postman, but all the same, I'm waiting on this much-mythologized person of the USPS. The Austin Film Festival should be mailing letters in the next few days with their site proclaiming it will be by 9/3. Last year I expected absolutely nothing from them. The screenplay I sent in was not really bowling me over, but I thought, "What the hell?" And then a few months later I got a letter saying it had made it to the glitz-n-glitter, World Famous Second Round, top 10%.
This year I majorly revamped another screenplay and sent that one for them to stick in their pipes and smoke. Hopefully they enjoyed the rich, full aroma and satisfying flavor. We'll see.
This year I majorly revamped another screenplay and sent that one for them to stick in their pipes and smoke. Hopefully they enjoyed the rich, full aroma and satisfying flavor. We'll see.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Blah Blah Blah
That's how I've been feeling this week. I don't know if it's mental, physical, metaphysical, bilingual, but whatever it is, I'm tired of it. Ready to shake it off and get back to being me.
And what the hell is up with the ads that have been appearing on here? They used to be screenwriting related and now they're ... definitely not.
I realize I need to get set up on a regular schedule of not only writing, but of everything-elsing, too. The very core of me resists schedules, hates them, despises them, repels them. I always have. But I guess it's like the addict finally realizing that rehab, no matter how disgusting it sounds, is really what they need. I need the rigid schoolmarm to force me into making progress, little by little, day by day.
Writers are notorious for putting it off. We seem to procrastinate on everything given the slightest chance. We keep saying things like, "There's not enough time today for me to get much done, so I'll just stick my hands down the front of my pants and watch TV. This weekend, well, this weekend will be completely different. I'll have all that time, and I'll get so much dooonnnne." Then this weekend comes, and we sleep until 1:00 p.m. and at 3:25 p.m., we're still sitting around in our pajamas. Yeah, way to go.
So here's what I'm gonna do until I get a schedule figured out - I'm gonna blame you. I never hear from you people. Some comments, positive or negative, would let me know I'm not floating alone out in cyberspace. And maybe if we could get the discussion going in the right direction, the ads would get better.
And what the hell is up with the ads that have been appearing on here? They used to be screenwriting related and now they're ... definitely not.
I realize I need to get set up on a regular schedule of not only writing, but of everything-elsing, too. The very core of me resists schedules, hates them, despises them, repels them. I always have. But I guess it's like the addict finally realizing that rehab, no matter how disgusting it sounds, is really what they need. I need the rigid schoolmarm to force me into making progress, little by little, day by day.
Writers are notorious for putting it off. We seem to procrastinate on everything given the slightest chance. We keep saying things like, "There's not enough time today for me to get much done, so I'll just stick my hands down the front of my pants and watch TV. This weekend, well, this weekend will be completely different. I'll have all that time, and I'll get so much dooonnnne." Then this weekend comes, and we sleep until 1:00 p.m. and at 3:25 p.m., we're still sitting around in our pajamas. Yeah, way to go.
So here's what I'm gonna do until I get a schedule figured out - I'm gonna blame you. I never hear from you people. Some comments, positive or negative, would let me know I'm not floating alone out in cyberspace. And maybe if we could get the discussion going in the right direction, the ads would get better.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
What is in a date?
"I just remembered that today's my birthday." This sentence was spoken by Nick, a character in F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. It seems surprising that anybody would forget something like that, but people do it all the time. I do it.
"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day..."
From Shakespeare's Macbeth. Possibly explaining why people forget that it's their birthday.
We live from day to day and generally don't pay a whole lot of notice to the date. And then we wonder why it didn't hit us that it's our birthday or anniversary or the day we were supposed to be at the dentist and dammit now I'm gonna have to make another appointment and they'll probably charge me for not giving 24-hour notice. The calendar, the dates, hell, all of time, is just so arbitrary and made up. Humans are the ones who stick Post-it notes on the days in our pitiful attempts to label them, name them, put our mark on them. But the days will creep on at their petty pace with absolutely no heed for us.
You're probably expecting my next quote to be from "Dust in the wind" by Kansas, right? Well, forget it. I hate that song. I'm just raveling a thread that started with the realization that I missed my anniversary on a screenwriting group I'm part of. It has been an everyday enjoyment for me for over a year (I joined on Friday the 13th, June 2008. Is that another meaningless date or something ominously foreboding?) I feel like I know these people, and I even recently mourned the death of one of its members, a colorful, wonderful lady whom I always loved hearing from. But this date slipped right by me.
Do birthdays matter? Do dates matter? Do we really need to stop and acknowledge the anniversary of every freaking thing? I don't know. But it seems to be human nature to try to hang on to them.
"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day..."
From Shakespeare's Macbeth. Possibly explaining why people forget that it's their birthday.
We live from day to day and generally don't pay a whole lot of notice to the date. And then we wonder why it didn't hit us that it's our birthday or anniversary or the day we were supposed to be at the dentist and dammit now I'm gonna have to make another appointment and they'll probably charge me for not giving 24-hour notice. The calendar, the dates, hell, all of time, is just so arbitrary and made up. Humans are the ones who stick Post-it notes on the days in our pitiful attempts to label them, name them, put our mark on them. But the days will creep on at their petty pace with absolutely no heed for us.
You're probably expecting my next quote to be from "Dust in the wind" by Kansas, right? Well, forget it. I hate that song. I'm just raveling a thread that started with the realization that I missed my anniversary on a screenwriting group I'm part of. It has been an everyday enjoyment for me for over a year (I joined on Friday the 13th, June 2008. Is that another meaningless date or something ominously foreboding?) I feel like I know these people, and I even recently mourned the death of one of its members, a colorful, wonderful lady whom I always loved hearing from. But this date slipped right by me.
Do birthdays matter? Do dates matter? Do we really need to stop and acknowledge the anniversary of every freaking thing? I don't know. But it seems to be human nature to try to hang on to them.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The pen is mightier
I flipped over to a fellow screenwriter's blog (http://iamphilipnight.blogspot.com/) and saw something that really caught my attention - hand writing a script. It reminded me so much of when I first started writing. Everything was handwritten and then typed up later. I wrote my entire first script longhand and then typed it up after I had it all, AND it was in no particular order, AND it ended up being about 160 pages after I got it all in there. Major editing. But I loved it.
I've gotten to where now I tend to go right to the electronic pen and paper. But I wonder (little tribute to Carrie Bradshaw here) was I happier doing it the old fashioned way? It seemed like I was so connected to the story and so ready to just dive right into it every day. We were more linked, and best of all, I could work on it any time, anywhere. I was holding the instrument right in my hand and the ideas flowed into it. Now, it seems maybe a little ... colder.
So I'm thinking my pen should not languish any longer. It has served me well and will again. Thank you, Phillip, for reminding me.
I've gotten to where now I tend to go right to the electronic pen and paper. But I wonder (little tribute to Carrie Bradshaw here) was I happier doing it the old fashioned way? It seemed like I was so connected to the story and so ready to just dive right into it every day. We were more linked, and best of all, I could work on it any time, anywhere. I was holding the instrument right in my hand and the ideas flowed into it. Now, it seems maybe a little ... colder.
So I'm thinking my pen should not languish any longer. It has served me well and will again. Thank you, Phillip, for reminding me.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
My Job
I realize I haven't said much about my new job. One of the founding fathers of this blog was my joblessness and search for a new one, whether it be in screenwriting, flipping burgers, digging ditches, or a combo of all three (what would that be like?)
It started as part-time and became full-time pretty quickly which was good of course. And I like the job and people I'm working with, learning a lot of new ideas and skills which always appeals to me. The only thing that sort of had me walking around there with a question mark over my head was the lack of ... dirt. I'm not talking about actual soil and grime, although it is a very clean facility. I'm talking about dirt, you know, stories, affairs, fighting, gossip, all that. The other place I worked was chock full of it. It was so thick around us it almost made it worth going in every day just to find out what the hell was next.
But these people seemed nearly angelic. I started to wonder if I might be working in some secret branch of the church. But then, it started trickling in. A comment here. An overheard conversation there. Like I said, just a little trickle at first. And then it was like the dam wall suddenly exploded and here it all comes. I feel right at home.
I just hope they realize their full legal names, addresses, and all their sordid stories will be in my next screenplay ; )
It started as part-time and became full-time pretty quickly which was good of course. And I like the job and people I'm working with, learning a lot of new ideas and skills which always appeals to me. The only thing that sort of had me walking around there with a question mark over my head was the lack of ... dirt. I'm not talking about actual soil and grime, although it is a very clean facility. I'm talking about dirt, you know, stories, affairs, fighting, gossip, all that. The other place I worked was chock full of it. It was so thick around us it almost made it worth going in every day just to find out what the hell was next.
But these people seemed nearly angelic. I started to wonder if I might be working in some secret branch of the church. But then, it started trickling in. A comment here. An overheard conversation there. Like I said, just a little trickle at first. And then it was like the dam wall suddenly exploded and here it all comes. I feel right at home.
I just hope they realize their full legal names, addresses, and all their sordid stories will be in my next screenplay ; )
Saturday, May 30, 2009
F#@% IT ALL TO HELL! I got a Rejection Letter!
Actually not recently, but I have received them before, usually in electronic form. I'm just intrigued by people's reactions to these letters. Some let it roll off them. Some get down in the floor and throw a tantrum toddler-style. Some cry.
I read articles and postings all the time about what people do with these letters. They're putting them on bulletin boards. They're using them as tickets into I-Got-Rejected-Too parties. They're papering their walls. They're making mobiles. These people put a lot of thought and effort into finding something to do with these FOND communications. Why?
I guess they're trying to make themselves feel better about it, trying to show those little bastards who's boss. Does it work? I don't know. I tend to just let mine fall wherever they may. There are probably still some in my hotmail although I'm not entirely sure of that. There may be some in my files, but if there are, it was simply a way of reminding me when I pull out a particular company's file what exactly happened between those no-talent, blind, couldn't-find-a-good-story-with-both-hands-and-a ..... woooo, what happened there? Maybe I should start doing something with them, make origami bird houses or whatever.
Seriously though, they don't make me angry or sad or suicidal or manic or anything in between. I see them for exactly what they are: to be entirely expected. The most successful screenwriter in the world was rejected many, many, many, many times. I wish I could remember where I saw a recent posting by another blogger about using the letters as percentages to show you whether or not your query letter is effective. I'll try to find that again. And if you've got some really original ideas on what to do with rejection letters, enlighten us all.
I read articles and postings all the time about what people do with these letters. They're putting them on bulletin boards. They're using them as tickets into I-Got-Rejected-Too parties. They're papering their walls. They're making mobiles. These people put a lot of thought and effort into finding something to do with these FOND communications. Why?
I guess they're trying to make themselves feel better about it, trying to show those little bastards who's boss. Does it work? I don't know. I tend to just let mine fall wherever they may. There are probably still some in my hotmail although I'm not entirely sure of that. There may be some in my files, but if there are, it was simply a way of reminding me when I pull out a particular company's file what exactly happened between those no-talent, blind, couldn't-find-a-good-story-with-both-hands-and-a ..... woooo, what happened there? Maybe I should start doing something with them, make origami bird houses or whatever.
Seriously though, they don't make me angry or sad or suicidal or manic or anything in between. I see them for exactly what they are: to be entirely expected. The most successful screenwriter in the world was rejected many, many, many, many times. I wish I could remember where I saw a recent posting by another blogger about using the letters as percentages to show you whether or not your query letter is effective. I'll try to find that again. And if you've got some really original ideas on what to do with rejection letters, enlighten us all.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
After-Nicholl Naptime
I am exhausted. Happy but exhausted. I got the revisions finished and got my screenplay in to the Nicholl Fellowship. I worked my ass off this week, but it still wasn't quite enough. It got down to the wire last night, and I decided I would have to send it in as is, time's running out. I got over to their website, and hey, guess what, they extended the deadline by one day. Apparently they took pity on the procrastinators. I wouldn't have. Glad they did.
So I got to spend more time on it today and got things more polished. Does anybody ever get one to the point where you feel like it's perfect, or is everyone like me and you just get to the point where you feel like you're probably going to start making it worse if you keep on and you better just stop now? I have stared at that thing way too much today.
Congrats to all who entered. It's a source of pride in itself. And to those who entered early - shut up.
So I got to spend more time on it today and got things more polished. Does anybody ever get one to the point where you feel like it's perfect, or is everyone like me and you just get to the point where you feel like you're probably going to start making it worse if you keep on and you better just stop now? I have stared at that thing way too much today.
Congrats to all who entered. It's a source of pride in itself. And to those who entered early - shut up.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
The Screenwriting Bug
As most writers do, I spend a big part of my days lifting my cat up to the ceiling so he can catch bugs. Today as I was providing crane services I started wondering, how often does one writer do this for another? Lift him up, I mean, not feed him bugs.
Are we a selfish, jealous bunch that try to hoard all the money and glory for ourselves and shut out the others? There are plenty of industries where this is the norm. Do we turn a blind eye when we see a talented writer and happen to know someone looking for just that style?
I have looked within myself and without for the answers, and I say no, we're not like that. Over and over, I see screenwriters extending a hand, showing the way, and patting a down writer on the back. I see the ones who have made it who then turn around and take the time to write blogs with writing and business tips, go to festivals, answer questions, genuinely try to help because they remember vividly the struggle. I see this willingness to help all up and down the ladder, the ones on top, in the middle, and down here at the bottom where I live. I see the generosity in the universities amongst the student writers and professors and all over the internet. These are people who make nary a dime from giving advice and help, but they do it anyway. Do we do these things just because it's another forum for writing or is a writer inherently helpful?
A screenwriter has to be spiritual and inward-looking in some way and to some degree. I think they help because they love the way it feels.
So lift up another writer. There are enough tasty bugs up there for all of us.
Are we a selfish, jealous bunch that try to hoard all the money and glory for ourselves and shut out the others? There are plenty of industries where this is the norm. Do we turn a blind eye when we see a talented writer and happen to know someone looking for just that style?
I have looked within myself and without for the answers, and I say no, we're not like that. Over and over, I see screenwriters extending a hand, showing the way, and patting a down writer on the back. I see the ones who have made it who then turn around and take the time to write blogs with writing and business tips, go to festivals, answer questions, genuinely try to help because they remember vividly the struggle. I see this willingness to help all up and down the ladder, the ones on top, in the middle, and down here at the bottom where I live. I see the generosity in the universities amongst the student writers and professors and all over the internet. These are people who make nary a dime from giving advice and help, but they do it anyway. Do we do these things just because it's another forum for writing or is a writer inherently helpful?
A screenwriter has to be spiritual and inward-looking in some way and to some degree. I think they help because they love the way it feels.
So lift up another writer. There are enough tasty bugs up there for all of us.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Uncle Sam and Don and Gee Nicholl
What do they have in common? Most people wait until the last freaking minute to send them their paperwork and money.
Did you get your taxes in on time? Were you one of the thousands lined up 'til all hours at the post office? Did the Dominos delivery guy bring your supper to you in the line that snaked out into the street? I would sneer at you, but since I'll be one of those taking corners on two wheels to get to the post office on May 1 for the Nicholl Fellowship, I guess I can't. But on the other hand, the Nicholl is not required of all Americans. I got my taxes in early this month and even received my state refund already. Nanny nanny boo boo.
The Nicholl Fellowship. Say these words around any screenwriter and watch their eyes glisten. I've never entered before, but I will this year. Come hell or high water, half-written screenplays with jam on them stuffed into Wal-Mart sacks, I'll be entering this year. It's the run for the roses.
If you would like to join this mad dash, here's their site: http://www.oscars.org/awards/nicholl/index.html. The competition is fierce, but if you can even reach semi-finals, it's a pretty feather for your cap and your query letter.
Did you get your taxes in on time? Were you one of the thousands lined up 'til all hours at the post office? Did the Dominos delivery guy bring your supper to you in the line that snaked out into the street? I would sneer at you, but since I'll be one of those taking corners on two wheels to get to the post office on May 1 for the Nicholl Fellowship, I guess I can't. But on the other hand, the Nicholl is not required of all Americans. I got my taxes in early this month and even received my state refund already. Nanny nanny boo boo.
The Nicholl Fellowship. Say these words around any screenwriter and watch their eyes glisten. I've never entered before, but I will this year. Come hell or high water, half-written screenplays with jam on them stuffed into Wal-Mart sacks, I'll be entering this year. It's the run for the roses.
If you would like to join this mad dash, here's their site: http://www.oscars.org/awards/nicholl/index.html. The competition is fierce, but if you can even reach semi-finals, it's a pretty feather for your cap and your query letter.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Stand Up for Your Movie
You know what I hate? Snobs. Movie snobs. You know why? Because they try to use their pretend hatred of certain movies or certain genres and their embracing of certain others as sure signs of their own sophistication and intelligence. You know what this reminds me of? When you buy a great outfit and somebody says to you, "Hey that's a great outfit," and you say, "Thank you," as if you made the effin' thing yourself. This is simply a person trying to portray to society that their tastes are a sure sign of their so being above the riff-raff that they shouldn't even be forced to live on this bourgeois planet we riff-raff like to call Earth in our lowlife kinda way.
I watched Pretty in Pink today. I've seen it before, but I watched it again today on DVD, paying particular attention to the commentary. Some people want nothing to do with the commentary and consider it a waste, but it's really a great way to step into the shoes of the people who wrote and made the movie, find out what they were shooting for, how they felt about it, take a look around through their eyes. It was inspiring. I already liked the movie before, but I had a new, deeper appreciation afterward. It's a love story. Nothing more. They were not trying to make something historically breathtaking or something to shake the foundations. They were just trying to tell a love story. Love stories are great and are needed and ... loved. Despite what the critics say.
So when everybody else around you is following the popular herd like beaten sheep because they are scared poopless to say, "I liked Lady in the Water," and be thought of as stupid and tasteless, stand right on up and declare what you love, what moved you, which scenes you thought were so excruciatingly human and real, what made you laugh. That's what a movie is for.
I watched Pretty in Pink today. I've seen it before, but I watched it again today on DVD, paying particular attention to the commentary. Some people want nothing to do with the commentary and consider it a waste, but it's really a great way to step into the shoes of the people who wrote and made the movie, find out what they were shooting for, how they felt about it, take a look around through their eyes. It was inspiring. I already liked the movie before, but I had a new, deeper appreciation afterward. It's a love story. Nothing more. They were not trying to make something historically breathtaking or something to shake the foundations. They were just trying to tell a love story. Love stories are great and are needed and ... loved. Despite what the critics say.
So when everybody else around you is following the popular herd like beaten sheep because they are scared poopless to say, "I liked Lady in the Water," and be thought of as stupid and tasteless, stand right on up and declare what you love, what moved you, which scenes you thought were so excruciatingly human and real, what made you laugh. That's what a movie is for.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Lazy or Busy?
I really need to get back to writing. I mean, even my blog is lagging behind, and it only requires a couple paragraphs every week or so. I could use the excuse that I've been so focused on finding a job, and I have, but it's not completely true. I mean, nobody can search for a job 10 or 12 hours a day. There're going to be a few minutes at least here and there.
As for the job hunting, I did get a job back in the same building that I used to work in two years ago. It is part-time right now, but they assure me it will become full-time. I have to say, other than the less money part, part-time is sweeeet. But then again, even more of a guilt trip because I should be using that not-working time each day to revise and write.
The thing is, talking on here usually gets me going again. I don't know why. Sort of self-therapy. I talk to myself, and of course to you, and I get the thoughts out there and that makes them a real thing, a spur, a spiky little monster that will not let up until I get writing again. Sometimes the monsters are good for you. And sometimes you kinda like 'em.
As for the job hunting, I did get a job back in the same building that I used to work in two years ago. It is part-time right now, but they assure me it will become full-time. I have to say, other than the less money part, part-time is sweeeet. But then again, even more of a guilt trip because I should be using that not-working time each day to revise and write.
The thing is, talking on here usually gets me going again. I don't know why. Sort of self-therapy. I talk to myself, and of course to you, and I get the thoughts out there and that makes them a real thing, a spur, a spiky little monster that will not let up until I get writing again. Sometimes the monsters are good for you. And sometimes you kinda like 'em.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Scene Two
Got another job offer today. And here's the funny part - are you ready for this? - just get ready cause it's really funny - it's at the same place I used to work two years ago. HAHAHAHAHA! Isn't that hilarious! Hmmm, you don't seem to be finding this as ironic as I do. Anyway, I should clarify, it's not really the same company. It's the company who bought the building after the company I worked for shut down. Several of my former coworkers are now there, and one of them contacted me about this job. So I'm happy, grateful, looking forward with hope, but also a little jumpy, disturbed, and gun shy. Why? I was treated so horribly by the last employer (see earlier posts) that unfortunately they have now colored my whole career world and it ain't a pretty color. I have been repeatedly assured by friends working at this new place, though, that it's a great place. So I'm feeling better, coming out of the blahs and depressions.
I've been able to get some revision done this week by basically forcing myself to get in there and do it. I've been so down, and I just kept telling myself I had to pull out of it, do something proactive. It's funny how once I actually get myself to stop and write, I fall right out of my world and into theirs.
I've been able to get some revision done this week by basically forcing myself to get in there and do it. I've been so down, and I just kept telling myself I had to pull out of it, do something proactive. It's funny how once I actually get myself to stop and write, I fall right out of my world and into theirs.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Coverage
Okay, so you get done with a screenplay, possibly the first you've ever written, and you're dying to know what everybody thinks of it. You want an opinion. You want to hear great things. What do you do?
Option 1 - Let some family and friends read it.
This one is often trotted out there by various websites, books, blogs, magazines, winos, etc. But this one only works to a very limited extent. Do you have any family and friends who are familiar with screenplay structure? Most people don't. Uncle Bob may be a great plumber and a nice guy, but he don't know jack about writing. Another problem, and I ran into this one myself, is finding the right Uncle Bob for the right genre. I handed my first screenplay to my spouse and to a friend and I got basically some mumbling in return. At first I thought it must have really stunk the place up and they didn't want to tell me, but after it did well in a contest against 4000 other entries, I started wondering. It finally hit me that my spouse likes blow-em-up action, and my friend likes mystery. My script was neither of these. About the only possibility in this freebie category is to wrangle a teacher or professor into reading it for you, someone who knows something about writing, like an English or drama sort.
Option 2 - Professional coverage.
There are a million of these, and many people snort at the idea and say things like, "Yeah, they said something nice about your script? Well what did you expect them to say for $100 and the hope of return business. Idiot." I tend to think they can be helpful and are usually pretty honest. Scriptshark for example says that they only give a 'recommend' to about 5%, and this would make sense since those scripts then go to their online marketplace where their contacts expect to find the cream of the crop, not the crap of the crud. I have personally used two, Hollywoodlitsales.com and Keil Troisi at Scriptproof.com. Both of them read the same script. I thought that it was very telling and a testament to their honesty that the one who read the earliest verion, before lots of revision, gave it a harder grade and more tongue-lashing than the one who read it after lots of revision. That one reflected the improvements in a higher score.
This guy was recommended in a forum discussion, http://sixtybucknotes.blogspot.com/, reported to be a former head reader for Miramax. If anybody has tried him, I would be interested in hearing what you thought.
As I've mentioned before, I plan on taunting the Shark as soon as I finish revisions. The cost is kinda steep for a still-unemployed-and-desperately-trying-to-find-a-job-while-waiting-on-unemployment-to-decide-if-I-qualify wretch, but if it can make it to their marketplace, who knows. Do they have coupons?
Option 1 - Let some family and friends read it.
This one is often trotted out there by various websites, books, blogs, magazines, winos, etc. But this one only works to a very limited extent. Do you have any family and friends who are familiar with screenplay structure? Most people don't. Uncle Bob may be a great plumber and a nice guy, but he don't know jack about writing. Another problem, and I ran into this one myself, is finding the right Uncle Bob for the right genre. I handed my first screenplay to my spouse and to a friend and I got basically some mumbling in return. At first I thought it must have really stunk the place up and they didn't want to tell me, but after it did well in a contest against 4000 other entries, I started wondering. It finally hit me that my spouse likes blow-em-up action, and my friend likes mystery. My script was neither of these. About the only possibility in this freebie category is to wrangle a teacher or professor into reading it for you, someone who knows something about writing, like an English or drama sort.
Option 2 - Professional coverage.
There are a million of these, and many people snort at the idea and say things like, "Yeah, they said something nice about your script? Well what did you expect them to say for $100 and the hope of return business. Idiot." I tend to think they can be helpful and are usually pretty honest. Scriptshark for example says that they only give a 'recommend' to about 5%, and this would make sense since those scripts then go to their online marketplace where their contacts expect to find the cream of the crop, not the crap of the crud. I have personally used two, Hollywoodlitsales.com and Keil Troisi at Scriptproof.com. Both of them read the same script. I thought that it was very telling and a testament to their honesty that the one who read the earliest verion, before lots of revision, gave it a harder grade and more tongue-lashing than the one who read it after lots of revision. That one reflected the improvements in a higher score.
This guy was recommended in a forum discussion, http://sixtybucknotes.blogspot.com/, reported to be a former head reader for Miramax. If anybody has tried him, I would be interested in hearing what you thought.
As I've mentioned before, I plan on taunting the Shark as soon as I finish revisions. The cost is kinda steep for a still-unemployed-and-desperately-trying-to-find-a-job-while-waiting-on-unemployment-to-decide-if-I-qualify wretch, but if it can make it to their marketplace, who knows. Do they have coupons?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Procrastinating Screenwriters United
What is it about us? And by "us", yes I do dare to include myself in the ranks no matter how amateur my standings. Everybody has to start somewhere. Anyway ... what is it about us that we so desperately procrastinate against that which we profess to love? Why do our screenplays wither and fade in the dank recesses of our laptops from lack of light and airing? When we're in love (with a human), we can't stop ourselves from driving by our beloved's house, calling him/her, seeking out that face. If we're so stalkerish with humans, why not with screenwriting? Does it take special programming? Do we have to train ourselves? We say we love screenwriting, we love the creativity and the words and the stories, but do we really? Sometimes I think we are more in love with "The End." We love the idea of finishing and selling the perfect movie story. We relish the hope that someday there will be a buyer, applause, recognition, and we replay that finale over and over in our minds while pushing aside the actual work it takes to get there because, well, because it's work. It's very hard work. It's very daunting work. There are those moments when it just flies out of you almost faster than you can type, but the rest of the time, it's agony. It's endlessly shaping and reshaping trying to get it just so, and occasionally having to let it go because you've reached that point where you're possibly doing more harm than good. It's hard. And there is never any guarantee that it's going to go anywhere. Never.
So why would anyone worship the goddess of screenwriting to begin with? If she's so fickle and impossible to please, why don't we throw her over for some other, easier god? I don't have to answer this for anyone. The true devotees bring their sacrifices of ink and paper time and again because their soul knows nothing else.
So why would anyone worship the goddess of screenwriting to begin with? If she's so fickle and impossible to please, why don't we throw her over for some other, easier god? I don't have to answer this for anyone. The true devotees bring their sacrifices of ink and paper time and again because their soul knows nothing else.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Adrift with only a screenplay
I think my last posting probably did not convey my true feelings very clearly about being let go. I have been laid off, and I know that can be a crushing experience for some people, but for me it wasn't because I knew it happened through no fault of my own. The company shut down. Being let go is extraordinarily disturbing. No matter how many times others try to tell you that they made the mistake, you can't help but wonder, "What the hell happened? Why am I being rejected? What did I do?" Unfortunately, I have lots of company these days in that ship called the SS Jobless, and I know they are feeling these pains, too. How much does it help each of us as individuals to know we're not alone? Some, I guess.
I went on an interview today. It was very odd and mechanical with very set steps and preordained questions. The guy interviewing me was impossible to read which is probably why they gave him the task of interviewing. No false hope-giving for that dude. And the office had a certain feel of ... what? A library? A storage room? I don't know; it just looked like they moved in and set stuff down in the first place it fell and left it there. Then they all picked out their desks and made a pact to be vewy vewy qwuiet.
I have signed up again for unemployment. I think working for the ... uhhh, what shall I call them? ... probably screwed things up on that front. Previously I was drawing on the company that shut down. I don't think I will be anymore, and therefore, will most likely receive much less. They have lit up my life in soooo many ways.
I went on an interview today. It was very odd and mechanical with very set steps and preordained questions. The guy interviewing me was impossible to read which is probably why they gave him the task of interviewing. No false hope-giving for that dude. And the office had a certain feel of ... what? A library? A storage room? I don't know; it just looked like they moved in and set stuff down in the first place it fell and left it there. Then they all picked out their desks and made a pact to be vewy vewy qwuiet.
I have signed up again for unemployment. I think working for the ... uhhh, what shall I call them? ... probably screwed things up on that front. Previously I was drawing on the company that shut down. I don't think I will be anymore, and therefore, will most likely receive much less. They have lit up my life in soooo many ways.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
The end ... already
I lost the job. It's the first time in my life I have ever been let go. I have always been considered an exemplary employee and a fast learner, but these people tell me they were looking for a "natural" and they just think my training would take more time than they have. The funny thing is, they only asked one person's opinion of how I was doing, and this person had been telling me in just the last couple days that I was ahead of the game, even overlearning because I was studying the books at home on my own time, but apparently when she was questioned about me, it was a different story. Oh well. There's more to this story, more shades to the drama and twists and turns, but I won't bore you, and I'm not the type to talk negatively about former employers. It'll get you nowhere.
So it's back to job hunting. I've already contacted a company that had called me for an interview a couple days ago. I really hesitated when they called and considered taking the interview because I was wondering if where I was working was the best place to be. But I decided to stick with it, silly me. Anyway, I called that company back and was able to still get in for an interview. I think it will be a much more stable place, state job and all.
My writing has been on hold the last couple weeks while I was getting into this new job. I suppose I will now have some time to get back after it, huh? That's the thing you know - your first love will always be there.
So it's back to job hunting. I've already contacted a company that had called me for an interview a couple days ago. I really hesitated when they called and considered taking the interview because I was wondering if where I was working was the best place to be. But I decided to stick with it, silly me. Anyway, I called that company back and was able to still get in for an interview. I think it will be a much more stable place, state job and all.
My writing has been on hold the last couple weeks while I was getting into this new job. I suppose I will now have some time to get back after it, huh? That's the thing you know - your first love will always be there.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Working girl
No, I did not get a job as a prostitute. I have often envied the money that some prostitutes and nude dancers make, but I'm probably past my prime for that kind of work anyway.
I did get a job. And it's a bit of a strange one, which makes me happy. I always meet these people with the weird-ass jobs that sound just crazy enough to be fun, and now I'm one of those people. There's a lot to learn, but I'm looking forward to it, and it's good pay. So now at least I have a day job to not quit while I'm writing.
I still need to get on those final revisions for screenplay #1 because I want to get it sent off to Scriptshark sometime reasonably soon. And I want to finish #3 and send it to Austin Film Festival. For some reason I have been procrastinating on finishing up those revisions. Maybe by typing that sentence out, it will spur me to stop being so damn lazy and get it done. I'm not alone on putting off revisions, right? Somebody chime in here.
So in summary: very happy with the new job, think it's going to be a good one, need to revise and get #1 sent off. How is the job-searching going for everybody else? Don't lose faith, me lovelies. I had my days of absolutely bursting into tears, but it will all work out. I'll fill you in on the new vocation more later and let you know what I'm seeing out there. It's been something.
I did get a job. And it's a bit of a strange one, which makes me happy. I always meet these people with the weird-ass jobs that sound just crazy enough to be fun, and now I'm one of those people. There's a lot to learn, but I'm looking forward to it, and it's good pay. So now at least I have a day job to not quit while I'm writing.
I still need to get on those final revisions for screenplay #1 because I want to get it sent off to Scriptshark sometime reasonably soon. And I want to finish #3 and send it to Austin Film Festival. For some reason I have been procrastinating on finishing up those revisions. Maybe by typing that sentence out, it will spur me to stop being so damn lazy and get it done. I'm not alone on putting off revisions, right? Somebody chime in here.
So in summary: very happy with the new job, think it's going to be a good one, need to revise and get #1 sent off. How is the job-searching going for everybody else? Don't lose faith, me lovelies. I had my days of absolutely bursting into tears, but it will all work out. I'll fill you in on the new vocation more later and let you know what I'm seeing out there. It's been something.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
At the moment, I can't even think of a title for this posting. My uncle died last week, and he was buried today. He was only 68.
I will always remember with an inward giggle the time he took me to a car auction some eighty miles away. He sold the vehicle we went there in, but I bought a car and his friend bought a car, a truck, and a child's 4-wheeler. We started home. My car was the first to conk out. Then a few miles later, the truck. We got into the old car of our last hope and willed it to make it so we wouldn't be piled up on a tiny 4-wheeler racing down the interstate.
He was an adventurer. I'm sure if he had lived in the time and place of safaris, he would have been right out there amongst them, having a grand old time. That's the way I see and remember him. I remember hiking up mountains and through woods and exploring caves with him. I remember him taking us to places where American Indians had painted lasting tributes on the rock. I remember being in a glass-bottomed submarine with him after an exciting halfway-across-the country trip to Disneyworld. I remember him calling us all out to the lake many, many weekends where we would swim and ski behind his boat. I see him, healthy and laughing and smiling, always having a ball. I see him in that blue and white boat skimming the waves.
He was a fine friend, a wonderful uncle. Everyone who knew him remembers the smile and the cup of coffee. He was an adventurer. To Uncle Rex, may this be your grandest adventure yet.
I will always remember with an inward giggle the time he took me to a car auction some eighty miles away. He sold the vehicle we went there in, but I bought a car and his friend bought a car, a truck, and a child's 4-wheeler. We started home. My car was the first to conk out. Then a few miles later, the truck. We got into the old car of our last hope and willed it to make it so we wouldn't be piled up on a tiny 4-wheeler racing down the interstate.
He was an adventurer. I'm sure if he had lived in the time and place of safaris, he would have been right out there amongst them, having a grand old time. That's the way I see and remember him. I remember hiking up mountains and through woods and exploring caves with him. I remember him taking us to places where American Indians had painted lasting tributes on the rock. I remember being in a glass-bottomed submarine with him after an exciting halfway-across-the country trip to Disneyworld. I remember him calling us all out to the lake many, many weekends where we would swim and ski behind his boat. I see him, healthy and laughing and smiling, always having a ball. I see him in that blue and white boat skimming the waves.
He was a fine friend, a wonderful uncle. Everyone who knew him remembers the smile and the cup of coffee. He was an adventurer. To Uncle Rex, may this be your grandest adventure yet.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Movie Magic
If you're just getting started with your screenwriting, you might be looking around for screenwriting software. The two biggies out there are Final Draft and Movie Magic Screenwriter. I use Movie Magic and I really like it. I was not paid by Movie Magic to say that (I wish).
Most of the contests, production companies, agents, etc., will ask for your screenplay in either Final Draft or Movie Magic format, so it is probably a good idea to invest in one if you're really serious about trying to write movies. I know they can be a chunk of change for some people, but try putting a little aside each week or each month if you have to. It's really worth it. Not only will you be on the same wavelength as the people you are trying to sell your masterpiece to, it will just make things soooo much easier on you as you're writing it.
These programs are very user-friendly and basically take away all the time-consuming tasks of correct formatting. You do NOT want to ever, ever, ever send anything out incorrectly formatted. And I have tried to do the formatting myself. If you are computer savvy and good at setting up macros and that sort of thing, you might be able to pull it off. I found a website one time that gave instructions. But I don't recommend it. You can also do a search on free screenwriting software and come up with several. Research them carefully. Some of them have features like being able to convert to .pdf or upload to Final Draft or Movie Magic. You would definitely want features like that. Do searches on reviews of these products, not just the freebies, but the paid ones, too. You'll get all kinds of insight into what will work best for you.
If you're ready to shop for Movie Magic Screenwriter, again, do some research. Check around. Don't forget to check places like E-bay or Craigslist. I bought mine off a store on E-bay for a pretty decent price, new, and it came with a 10%-off coupon for Scriptshark as well as lots of other goodies. If you're a student or a teacher, there's the academic version which will come cheaper than the regular version, by around $50-$70 or so. Don't fret; it is no different than the regular version.
Most of the contests, production companies, agents, etc., will ask for your screenplay in either Final Draft or Movie Magic format, so it is probably a good idea to invest in one if you're really serious about trying to write movies. I know they can be a chunk of change for some people, but try putting a little aside each week or each month if you have to. It's really worth it. Not only will you be on the same wavelength as the people you are trying to sell your masterpiece to, it will just make things soooo much easier on you as you're writing it.
These programs are very user-friendly and basically take away all the time-consuming tasks of correct formatting. You do NOT want to ever, ever, ever send anything out incorrectly formatted. And I have tried to do the formatting myself. If you are computer savvy and good at setting up macros and that sort of thing, you might be able to pull it off. I found a website one time that gave instructions. But I don't recommend it. You can also do a search on free screenwriting software and come up with several. Research them carefully. Some of them have features like being able to convert to .pdf or upload to Final Draft or Movie Magic. You would definitely want features like that. Do searches on reviews of these products, not just the freebies, but the paid ones, too. You'll get all kinds of insight into what will work best for you.
If you're ready to shop for Movie Magic Screenwriter, again, do some research. Check around. Don't forget to check places like E-bay or Craigslist. I bought mine off a store on E-bay for a pretty decent price, new, and it came with a 10%-off coupon for Scriptshark as well as lots of other goodies. If you're a student or a teacher, there's the academic version which will come cheaper than the regular version, by around $50-$70 or so. Don't fret; it is no different than the regular version.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
job search
Not only am I searching for a payday on a screenplay, I'm searching for a payday, period. I need a job. I have applied everywhere for just about every kind of job there is. I've applied for jobs ranging from teacher to the person who measures property in order to assess taxes.
I realize there are whole lot of jobless people out there right now. I, myself, know many who have been laid off due to this crappy economy and all the shutdowns it has brought with it. I was a victim, too. But you are eligible for unemployment if you lost your job through no fault of your own, and quite often during my days of receiving benefits, there were extensions because the government realized it is just taking much longer for people to find jobs in this worker-flooded market. Talk to your unemployment agency. Find out about all the various programs out there because believe me, there are many. I was on one called TAA or TRA which was a program to help people who lost their jobs due to foreign competition. There are programs that will help with your food bills, your mileage, your education expenses. Start researching and asking lots of questions. Send me your questions and if I can help, I certainly will.
In the meantime, try not to get discouraged by how long it takes to land another job. It can take days, weeks, or months. I sent an application to a company on January 6 and was called for an interview on January 20. Some will call to do a short phone interview, and then it may be days or weeks later when they call for an in-person interview. I know it's hard, and I know it's discouraging and scary and depressing. But you're not alone.
I realize there are whole lot of jobless people out there right now. I, myself, know many who have been laid off due to this crappy economy and all the shutdowns it has brought with it. I was a victim, too. But you are eligible for unemployment if you lost your job through no fault of your own, and quite often during my days of receiving benefits, there were extensions because the government realized it is just taking much longer for people to find jobs in this worker-flooded market. Talk to your unemployment agency. Find out about all the various programs out there because believe me, there are many. I was on one called TAA or TRA which was a program to help people who lost their jobs due to foreign competition. There are programs that will help with your food bills, your mileage, your education expenses. Start researching and asking lots of questions. Send me your questions and if I can help, I certainly will.
In the meantime, try not to get discouraged by how long it takes to land another job. It can take days, weeks, or months. I sent an application to a company on January 6 and was called for an interview on January 20. Some will call to do a short phone interview, and then it may be days or weeks later when they call for an in-person interview. I know it's hard, and I know it's discouraging and scary and depressing. But you're not alone.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Turning a corner?
Well, here we are, inauguration day. As we all know, it's not your typical one either. The country has made an historic choice for president, the first non-white, and when you put that together with the fact that a woman also came pretty close, this has been a record breaker. Americans have pinned a tremendous amount of hope and expectations on Obama, and as one of those many, many unemployed, I have to say I'm hopeful.
I went on another interview today. I've had two phone interviews and three in-person interviews. Things seemed to have gone well, but I thought that after the first one, and they gave the job to somebody else, so I'm just keeping my happy thoughts squashed at the moment. They must lie dormant and still, quiet, shhhh, because they get upset when things don't go as they think things should.
At the moment, the only income I have is whatever substitute teaching I can snag. The school district uses Aesop, this online system that throws the teacher absences out there in the ring and then laughs in delight as it watches all the hungry subs fling themselves upon it, trying to be the first to grab it up. It's a fierce, uncaring system.
Plans for tonight: corndogs for supper, revising on a screenplay I want to send to Scriptshark, and another resume for another job posting. Plus my son mentioned that he would like to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events, so I may be spending some time with the ever-hopeful Baudelaires.
I went on another interview today. I've had two phone interviews and three in-person interviews. Things seemed to have gone well, but I thought that after the first one, and they gave the job to somebody else, so I'm just keeping my happy thoughts squashed at the moment. They must lie dormant and still, quiet, shhhh, because they get upset when things don't go as they think things should.
At the moment, the only income I have is whatever substitute teaching I can snag. The school district uses Aesop, this online system that throws the teacher absences out there in the ring and then laughs in delight as it watches all the hungry subs fling themselves upon it, trying to be the first to grab it up. It's a fierce, uncaring system.
Plans for tonight: corndogs for supper, revising on a screenplay I want to send to Scriptshark, and another resume for another job posting. Plus my son mentioned that he would like to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events, so I may be spending some time with the ever-hopeful Baudelaires.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
linkage to the bloggage
i'm trying to get some traffic around here. i've been submitting the link to various sites in the electronic form of waving my arms from a tiny, remote island and yelling, "over here!" daffy duck style. it seems that at least part of the secret is keywords. i need keywords, man, lots of keywords, so that when somebody googles, they'll plop right on my page (that sounded gross). so here we go:
screenwriting, screenwriting, screenwriting, screenwriter, screenwriter, screenplay, screenplays, script, script, script, producers, lookatmelookatmelookatme, directors, searching for a job, jobsearch, out of work, need a job, sell a screenplay, writer, writer, writer for hire, need to eat.
okay, enough of that for now. maybe we'll try again tomorrow with some new words. and if you've got some to suggest for the list, feel free to send them right along.
screenwriting, screenwriting, screenwriting, screenwriter, screenwriter, screenplay, screenplays, script, script, script, producers, lookatmelookatmelookatme, directors, searching for a job, jobsearch, out of work, need a job, sell a screenplay, writer, writer, writer for hire, need to eat.
okay, enough of that for now. maybe we'll try again tomorrow with some new words. and if you've got some to suggest for the list, feel free to send them right along.
Friday, January 16, 2009
where am i going
i have been having such a feeling of "where am i going?" for so long. it isn't just because of being laid off from a job i had for 12.5 years. i was feeling it while i worked there, too. i want so much for the answers to fall out of the sky so i can say, "oh, that's what i'm supposed to do." but it never happens. i even look other places besides the sky, and they give me no answers either. google for instance. i keep hoping i can type in my life questions and maybe someone, God, an angel, someone, will cause the answer to come up when i hit search. all i ever find are blogs by other people like me asking the same questions, probably hoping that God or an angel will post a reply.
i know the feelings have intensified lately because of money worries. unemployment ran out; they only paid as long as i was going to school, then i was expected to graduate and instantaneously find a job. i've been out since december 10 and no job yet. i suspect it's probably pretty much the same old, same old: "you're overqualified," which boils down to, "you're overeducated." it is so laughable how we are pushed to get more and more and more education, but then it blows up in our faces.
i'll let you in on a secret. i got my degree in education, and i got it in flying colors, but ... i don't want to teach. i've been thinking it, but i haven't said it to anyone. my family is so dead set on me being a teacher, and they are so out of sorts that i'm even looking around at other jobs. they try to comfort themselves (in the guise of comforting me) that it will only be until a teaching job opens up. i cannot stand the thought of being caged in a classroom all day, day after day. fuck, i hated it when i was student. i don't want to be imprisoned by unbending schedules and frowning, judgmental administrators. i've been out there amongst the teachers. i've interned and i've subbed. i see the same frustration in them, and i hear it out of their own mouths. i don't want it.
i remember talking to my sister about this sort of thing back when i was first laid off. she talked about people doing things out of fear instead of doing it because they really wanted to. people take crappy jobs that they are unhappy with because they are in fear. and the people around them fear, too. they fear for their loved one's well being, and they fear that this person will stop fitting the neat, round peghole they have so carefully carved out for them. they want that person to stay the same and stay predictable and stay someone they can understand.
i feel my skin being scraped and irritated as they try to push me into that hole that is shaped nothing like me.
i know the feelings have intensified lately because of money worries. unemployment ran out; they only paid as long as i was going to school, then i was expected to graduate and instantaneously find a job. i've been out since december 10 and no job yet. i suspect it's probably pretty much the same old, same old: "you're overqualified," which boils down to, "you're overeducated." it is so laughable how we are pushed to get more and more and more education, but then it blows up in our faces.
i'll let you in on a secret. i got my degree in education, and i got it in flying colors, but ... i don't want to teach. i've been thinking it, but i haven't said it to anyone. my family is so dead set on me being a teacher, and they are so out of sorts that i'm even looking around at other jobs. they try to comfort themselves (in the guise of comforting me) that it will only be until a teaching job opens up. i cannot stand the thought of being caged in a classroom all day, day after day. fuck, i hated it when i was student. i don't want to be imprisoned by unbending schedules and frowning, judgmental administrators. i've been out there amongst the teachers. i've interned and i've subbed. i see the same frustration in them, and i hear it out of their own mouths. i don't want it.
i remember talking to my sister about this sort of thing back when i was first laid off. she talked about people doing things out of fear instead of doing it because they really wanted to. people take crappy jobs that they are unhappy with because they are in fear. and the people around them fear, too. they fear for their loved one's well being, and they fear that this person will stop fitting the neat, round peghole they have so carefully carved out for them. they want that person to stay the same and stay predictable and stay someone they can understand.
i feel my skin being scraped and irritated as they try to push me into that hole that is shaped nothing like me.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
everytime i think i'm out ...
i graduated, but that doesn't mean i'm out of school. i've been substituting since there were no full-time positions available, and it has been ... tiring. i've had some phone calls and two interviews for some other jobs that are not education related. my family thinks i'm nuts to even be considering other jobs, but they don't seem to have a good, strong grasp of the sitch. so here it is; here's the sitch: i have to have money. i do not get steady work with substituting. the work will pretty much blow entirely away in the summer. i cannot sit around for two years or so until something opens up (i've seen it).
so, i'm possibly going to be putting together a couple of part-times, or maybe i'll hear back from one of the full-times. i've also been looking at working online and building a tiny little empire of proofreading, tutoring, and writing. i pretty much am just paddling around in desperation, hoping to find something to keep me afloat, both financially and spiritually.
so, i'm possibly going to be putting together a couple of part-times, or maybe i'll hear back from one of the full-times. i've also been looking at working online and building a tiny little empire of proofreading, tutoring, and writing. i pretty much am just paddling around in desperation, hoping to find something to keep me afloat, both financially and spiritually.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
