Procrastinating Screenwriters United

What is it about us? And by "us", yes I do dare to include myself in the ranks no matter how amateur my standings. Everybody has to start somewhere. Anyway ... what is it about us that we so desperately procrastinate against that which we profess to love? Why do our screenplays wither and fade in the dank recesses of our laptops from lack of light and airing? When we're in love (with a human), we can't stop ourselves from driving by our beloved's house, calling him/her, seeking out that face. If we're so stalkerish with humans, why not with screenwriting? Does it take special programming? Do we have to train ourselves? We say we love screenwriting, we love the creativity and the words and the stories, but do we really? Sometimes I think we are more in love with "The End." We love the idea of finishing and selling the perfect movie story. We relish the hope that someday there will be a buyer, applause, recognition, and we replay that finale over and over in our minds while pushing aside the actual work it takes to get there because, well, because it's work. It's very hard work. It's very daunting work. There are those moments when it just flies out of you almost faster than you can type, but the rest of the time, it's agony. It's endlessly shaping and reshaping trying to get it just so, and occasionally having to let it go because you've reached that point where you're possibly doing more harm than good. It's hard. And there is never any guarantee that it's going to go anywhere. Never.

So why would anyone worship the goddess of screenwriting to begin with? If she's so fickle and impossible to please, why don't we throw her over for some other, easier god? I don't have to answer this for anyone. The true devotees bring their sacrifices of ink and paper time and again because their soul knows nothing else.

Adrift with only a screenplay

I think my last posting probably did not convey my true feelings very clearly about being let go. I have been laid off, and I know that can be a crushing experience for some people, but for me it wasn't because I knew it happened through no fault of my own. The company shut down. Being let go is extraordinarily disturbing. No matter how many times others try to tell you that they made the mistake, you can't help but wonder, "What the hell happened? Why am I being rejected? What did I do?" Unfortunately, I have lots of company these days in that ship called the SS Jobless, and I know they are feeling these pains, too. How much does it help each of us as individuals to know we're not alone? Some, I guess.

I went on an interview today. It was very odd and mechanical with very set steps and preordained questions. The guy interviewing me was impossible to read which is probably why they gave him the task of interviewing. No false hope-giving for that dude. And the office had a certain feel of ... what? A library? A storage room? I don't know; it just looked like they moved in and set stuff down in the first place it fell and left it there. Then they all picked out their desks and made a pact to be vewy vewy qwuiet.

I have signed up again for unemployment. I think working for the ... uhhh, what shall I call them? ... probably screwed things up on that front. Previously I was drawing on the company that shut down. I don't think I will be anymore, and therefore, will most likely receive much less. They have lit up my life in soooo many ways.

The end ... already

I lost the job. It's the first time in my life I have ever been let go. I have always been considered an exemplary employee and a fast learner, but these people tell me they were looking for a "natural" and they just think my training would take more time than they have. The funny thing is, they only asked one person's opinion of how I was doing, and this person had been telling me in just the last couple days that I was ahead of the game, even overlearning because I was studying the books at home on my own time, but apparently when she was questioned about me, it was a different story. Oh well. There's more to this story, more shades to the drama and twists and turns, but I won't bore you, and I'm not the type to talk negatively about former employers. It'll get you nowhere.

So it's back to job hunting. I've already contacted a company that had called me for an interview a couple days ago. I really hesitated when they called and considered taking the interview because I was wondering if where I was working was the best place to be. But I decided to stick with it, silly me. Anyway, I called that company back and was able to still get in for an interview. I think it will be a much more stable place, state job and all.

My writing has been on hold the last couple weeks while I was getting into this new job. I suppose I will now have some time to get back after it, huh? That's the thing you know - your first love will always be there.

Working girl

No, I did not get a job as a prostitute. I have often envied the money that some prostitutes and nude dancers make, but I'm probably past my prime for that kind of work anyway.

I did get a job. And it's a bit of a strange one, which makes me happy. I always meet these people with the weird-ass jobs that sound just crazy enough to be fun, and now I'm one of those people. There's a lot to learn, but I'm looking forward to it, and it's good pay. So now at least I have a day job to not quit while I'm writing.

I still need to get on those final revisions for screenplay #1 because I want to get it sent off to Scriptshark sometime reasonably soon. And I want to finish #3 and send it to Austin Film Festival. For some reason I have been procrastinating on finishing up those revisions. Maybe by typing that sentence out, it will spur me to stop being so damn lazy and get it done. I'm not alone on putting off revisions, right? Somebody chime in here.

So in summary: very happy with the new job, think it's going to be a good one, need to revise and get #1 sent off. How is the job-searching going for everybody else? Don't lose faith, me lovelies. I had my days of absolutely bursting into tears, but it will all work out. I'll fill you in on the new vocation more later and let you know what I'm seeing out there. It's been something.