Day One

Well, here I am. First blog ever. And I have a purpose in mind for this blog, as you may have guessed from the title - I want/need to sell a screenplay.

This blog is going to be the place to help me get stoked about writing and get me going when I'm in a slump and being lazy. If you continue reading my posts, dear reader, you'll get to know more about me, but let's start with the basics.

I'm a good writer. Stop rolling your damned eyes; I really am! I even have proof! So get your stupid rolly eyes focused and continue on. I entered my first screenplay into the PAGE International, and it was a quarter-finalist. Now to me, for a first screenplay ever, and self-taught in the art/joke/quagmire of screenplay writing, that's not half bleepin' bad. I got some insights/insults from a professional reader and used them to revise, and the thing just came out even better. Do I owe him a percentage if the thing ever sells? Hell no! So I sent it again this year to the same contest. I'll find out around the middle of July if it made it again to the quarter-finals. Finalists and all that won't be until around September or October. In the meantime, I sent it to another professional reader (I know, should have sent it back to the first one to see if he changed his bloodletting tune, but this other guy was cheeeeaaaappper). Second guy gave it a glowing review. His only problem with it was that it was hard to pigeonhole, and you know how Hollywood loves the filthy, poop-encrusted pigeonholes. You just can't hardly lure them out of them. Even with a good screenplay.

I also sent out a second one I finished to PAGE and to the Austin Film Festival. It has not had the distinct pleasure of being clawed at like backed-up bears on their periods by a professional reader. Yet. I suppose that's coming soon.

Ok, so you have met what is sitting on one side of my see-saw. On the other side is -- you may need to sit down and put in a mouthguard -- teaching. I should say the prospect of teaching. I have a BA and lack just one semester of attaining a second one which will certify me to teach. "Well, what's wrong with that?" you may be thinking. "Why did I have to dig out that dirty mouthguard that my son used in eighth grade football? Teaching is a noble profession." Yes, it is. I wholeheartedly agree that it is a very important job. I'm just not sure that it's a fit for me. "Oh the kids, right? You don't want to have to tell some Kurt Cobain wannabe 900 times in a day to sit down and pull his pants up." First of all, I'm not even sure that the kids today still consider Cobain cool. Although during one of my observations in an actual classroom, a kid came in singing Johnny Cash. And wouldn't he have to pull up his pants and THEN sit down? Anyway, no, it's not them. During the hours of observation and practice teaching, I haven't really had any problem with the kids. It's more just the thought of the whole administration and all the rules, rules, rules with the list growing longer by the day. It all sounds very stifling. I feel this need to pull the collar away from my neck and say "Nyar." And another thing, if I were to tell you about a career where they expect you to get a college degree, and really prefer more than one, demand that you take SIX to SEVEN national tests on your own dime at about $80/pop, get eyeballed by the FBI, state police, etc., and basically become a Stepford Wife, wouldn't you think that that career must have a pretty sweet paycheck? Let me jab my finger at you while I say this: You're WRONG! Depending on where you plan on teaching, you could be starting out in the $20,000s. The $20,000s!

So I'm hoping that eventually I can pimp out my screenplays or other forms of writing and be able to make a living at it. But ye olde hourglass is running out. I go back to school this fall, and then I'll be looking for a job. Hell, I'm looking for a job right now. I just haven't been able to get anyone to even fart kindly in my direction. I send out e-mails, queries, treatments, scripts occasionally. And I do it all according to the very Britishly polite form outlined in The Screenwriter's Bible (www.keepwriting.com, very helpful book). Nothing. Oh, it' not that I plan on giving up the crazy dream when I start teaching. I'll keep writing and trying. But one thing I keep reading in screenwriting articles is that it mostly, sadly, seems to come down to contacts. You must have contacts. You must have a crazy uncle who janitored for Rob Reiner. You must have a slutty cousin who was a reader (or more) for some producer who would normally repel women like BO except for the fact that he's ... a producer. So here's my second hope for this blog: to make some delightful contacts. Will you be my friend?